Really terrific pills

From the snowbound depths of Britain in February comes heart-warming news on two fronts. The first is that New York ticket sales* are at the half-way mark, with seven weeks to go still, suggesting that people will spend money in a recession if absolutely necessary. Gerry, the RTO treasurer, reports that there have been blocks of tickets purchased by people completely unrelated to members of the orchestra which, if true (and it’s always good to seek a second opinion), is quite remarkable. Although the RTO regularly plays to full houses, these are nearly always made up largely (though not exclusively) of friends and family. How encouraging that the audience base is now widening to encompass ordinary music lovers from all walks of life.
The second fillip for the New York organising committee is the overwhelming success of a medical trial, conducted in secrecy over the course of the past week but now cleared for general release. With so many musicians travelling very close to the concert date there had been concern about jet lag and how it would affect performances. There has been much discussion behind closed doors on this topic. But a solution has been found, thanks to a recommendation by Felicitas Macfie, possibly the RTO’s most frequent flyer (after our chief bassoonist and sousaphonist of course).
Felicitas swears by a homeopathic remedy called No-Jet-Lag** which, rather like the RTO, does what it says on the packet. The committee immediately took Felicitas’s word but in the interests of science, and music, chose to seek a second opinion anyway.
A guinea pig was identified - the RTO’s very own musical director Sir Richard Neville-Towle – and flown to the Caribbean island of St Kitts, which is several hours behind GMT. He was prescribed one No-Jet-Lag pill before take-off and then another one every two hours ‘until the end’. While on St Kitts he was tasked to act quite normally, exactly as if he were on holiday. On the return flight he was to repeat the prescription and on arrival be brought directly from the airport to the home of Felicitas, whereby the committee could inspect him for any side effects. Suffice to say, there were none, at least not in the short term. Sir Richard was suntanned and relaxed, he consumed a portion of Felicitas’s delicious mango mousse with claret jelly, and declared himself one hundred per cent happy with the pills, which had not only cured jet lag but appeared to induce mild euphoria. (The fact that he did not show up for rehearsal later that night was unconnected to the No-Jet-Lag pills.)
As the testimony of Sir Richard and Felicitas is backed up by professional athletes, rugby teams, rock bands and businessmen, the decision was taken by the committee to import a dose for every RTO player embarking on the US tour. The chewable pills contain leopard’s bane, daisy, and clubmoss, do not react with other medication (RTOers with neurotic conditions take note) and come with clear instructions. They really are happy pills. But it is their claim to transport travellers painlessly through multiple time zones that ignites the most excitement in the RTO. Imagine the potential, musically speaking, of a medicine that conquers changes in time, or tempo as we prefer to call it.

*Don’t miss the RTO’s US debut, at the New York Town Hall, April 1, 2009!
**This is not an advertisement.